Am I in denial?
Or moving beyond the subliminal?
A strange bird flies across
Is it the lucky albratross
Or the black crow
That brings deep sorrow?
Is it something I should share?
Or a secret that I should make you swear?
The battle rages
Like that of the two fish
Tied by their fins
Are they knots of valor
Or of cowardice?
Life is a struggle each day
A new horn is blown
A new mask is worn
UnLike the flower that blooms
And perishes at night
This refuses to evade
Forces you to draw out that blade
From that ill kept sheath
But, If u could draw comfort from this sheet
Slash your hands across fluidly
The words pour out effortlessly
The pain, the sorrow
The joy and the happy hollow
The frozen ice breaks
Flows through your heart
Mends and heals
This is more than real
As The stars impatiently twinkle
You put to rest your mind that was once fickle
Because You now know you won your struggle
Each day we all fight
Day and night
But like the pheonix we rise
Reborn from the ashes of our past life
Even if we close our eyes
And never see the morning light
The battles' victory
And our legacy
Will be borne in our hearts for eternity
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Inspired By A Thousand Years-4
s that all it's going to be?
A battle between anticipation and acceptance?
The violent sea splashes across
The unstable rocks
Of the mind
Uproots those doubts
That feed like fleas on the flesh
A stench of a decaying corpse
Fills my lungs
Is this what I've become?
If it is,
Then what is it?
A dry fever
A spell of madness
Am I the dark
Or am I the light?
Even if I choose
Who is to know
What the future beholds
Is that hope
To give up
Or to retain?
Is that the thought to hold on
And Reclaim?
Or let go and label insane?
Does it matter what we choose
Does it matter what we do
Or do these questions seem obtuse?
It matters not what you think
It matters not what you say
It matters not what you do
Your story has been written for you
But why then, is it yours?
Why then, is it different from mine?
Because what is mine, is not yours
Your expectations are mere writings on the sand
Washed away by the tides on land
My life is not for you to lead
Never was, never will be
I may not know what to believe
But I do know I can choose my beliefs
And so I choose
The bright yellow sun
Over the greying clouds
The purple orchids
Over the drying grass
The tasty wind and the salty sea
The white sands and the buzzing bee
The rainbows and the rain
Drizzle and tickle
My endless smiles
For the first time in my life
I choose life
For the first time in my life
I live more than I die
A battle between anticipation and acceptance?
The violent sea splashes across
The unstable rocks
Of the mind
Uproots those doubts
That feed like fleas on the flesh
A stench of a decaying corpse
Fills my lungs
Is this what I've become?
If it is,
Then what is it?
A dry fever
A spell of madness
Am I the dark
Or am I the light?
Even if I choose
Who is to know
What the future beholds
Is that hope
To give up
Or to retain?
Is that the thought to hold on
And Reclaim?
Or let go and label insane?
Does it matter what we choose
Does it matter what we do
Or do these questions seem obtuse?
It matters not what you think
It matters not what you say
It matters not what you do
Your story has been written for you
But why then, is it yours?
Why then, is it different from mine?
Because what is mine, is not yours
Your expectations are mere writings on the sand
Washed away by the tides on land
My life is not for you to lead
Never was, never will be
I may not know what to believe
But I do know I can choose my beliefs
And so I choose
The bright yellow sun
Over the greying clouds
The purple orchids
Over the drying grass
The tasty wind and the salty sea
The white sands and the buzzing bee
The rainbows and the rain
Drizzle and tickle
My endless smiles
For the first time in my life
I choose life
For the first time in my life
I live more than I die
Inspired By A Thousand Years-3
I can still hear the screams
Of a tortured soul
Ringing in my ears
Shivering from the cold
The cracking of broken bottles
Each step bled
Out a new pain
A new sorrow
I can still smell the tears
Covered in the exhausted sweat
Of a worn out body
Wavering and tired of screaming
Each drop glistening like pearls of ice
I can still taste the blood
Of an undeserving scar
Slashed fiercely across
My raging heart
Tickling and burning
As the brezze hums over it
I can still feel the needles pricking
Blacking me out with numbness
Questiong my lifeless existence
Neither your senses nor your lies
Soothes or consoles
I don't know what I am looking for
Kicking against the forceful current
Searching for a way out
Or for a way in?
Nothing can take away
The scare that lonliness brings
Or the pathetic laugh and devilsh grin
Of the refelection I see
A complete stranger to me
The locks of hair in my fists
The clenched teeth
All refuse to bring
Any solace to this hellish thing
Curled into a ball
Sobbing
Hoping
Planning
Belabouring
Morning eventually dawns
Bringing a new anticipation of doom
New set of fears
Néw kind of pain
Waiting for the night once again
An endless dance begins
To the tune of frienzed drums
Playing from my thoughts
Back and forth I swing
Swril, twist and slide
It's always the same echoing
Many nights have passed since
Without these rituals
A calm has settled in
Is it a calm before a Strom?
Will I sustain my new form?
No more sceaming, tears, sweat and blood
But only the occassional murmurings
Of what used to be
Bursting from underneath
Claiming to be the truth
But I decide, I choose
Which to claim as real and true.
Of a tortured soul
Ringing in my ears
Shivering from the cold
The cracking of broken bottles
Each step bled
Out a new pain
A new sorrow
I can still smell the tears
Covered in the exhausted sweat
Of a worn out body
Wavering and tired of screaming
Each drop glistening like pearls of ice
I can still taste the blood
Of an undeserving scar
Slashed fiercely across
My raging heart
Tickling and burning
As the brezze hums over it
I can still feel the needles pricking
Blacking me out with numbness
Questiong my lifeless existence
Neither your senses nor your lies
Soothes or consoles
I don't know what I am looking for
Kicking against the forceful current
Searching for a way out
Or for a way in?
Nothing can take away
The scare that lonliness brings
Or the pathetic laugh and devilsh grin
Of the refelection I see
A complete stranger to me
The locks of hair in my fists
The clenched teeth
All refuse to bring
Any solace to this hellish thing
Curled into a ball
Sobbing
Hoping
Planning
Belabouring
Morning eventually dawns
Bringing a new anticipation of doom
New set of fears
Néw kind of pain
Waiting for the night once again
An endless dance begins
To the tune of frienzed drums
Playing from my thoughts
Back and forth I swing
Swril, twist and slide
It's always the same echoing
Many nights have passed since
Without these rituals
A calm has settled in
Is it a calm before a Strom?
Will I sustain my new form?
No more sceaming, tears, sweat and blood
But only the occassional murmurings
Of what used to be
Bursting from underneath
Claiming to be the truth
But I decide, I choose
Which to claim as real and true.
Inspired By A Thousand Years-2
They seem like lies
Like the drops of water
That disapper into the window sill
Was it real?
Was it true?
They seem like a past life
Like The leaves that whithered
And blew at my feet
Was it real?
Was it true?
Like the endless rain
All the pain
Was it just in my mind?
Was it real?
Was it true?
A spiral of eternity
Unfolds in front of me
Sleepless nights
And drooning days
What was it?
Was it real?
Was it true?
I wish I knew...
But here is what I do know
what I remember
Swimming in a black sea
Drowning in breathless tears
Screaming
Plunging a knife
Deep into my heart
The nights spent chanting your name
The voices that whisphered
To go on
To not go on
To end this right here
The doom befell
The glass shattered
It did hurt like hell
To know
That no one knew
The sweet wind brought some whisperings
The rustling of trees
The noiseless howling
Was all that told me
That this happened
In this world
In this life
Your memory might fly like
Dandelion over your head
But the damage and destruction
Was like the crushed buterrfly lying dead
It's colours spread across
The wings that barely took flight
Obscured, Barely saw the light
The holes punctured
The scars unmended
Live on underneath
Masked by the smiles and the cheers
Was it real?
Was it true?
For me, it was all the life that I had seen.
Like the drops of water
That disapper into the window sill
Was it real?
Was it true?
They seem like a past life
Like The leaves that whithered
And blew at my feet
Was it real?
Was it true?
Like the endless rain
All the pain
Was it just in my mind?
Was it real?
Was it true?
A spiral of eternity
Unfolds in front of me
Sleepless nights
And drooning days
What was it?
Was it real?
Was it true?
I wish I knew...
But here is what I do know
what I remember
Swimming in a black sea
Drowning in breathless tears
Screaming
Plunging a knife
Deep into my heart
The nights spent chanting your name
The voices that whisphered
To go on
To not go on
To end this right here
The doom befell
The glass shattered
It did hurt like hell
To know
That no one knew
The sweet wind brought some whisperings
The rustling of trees
The noiseless howling
Was all that told me
That this happened
In this world
In this life
Your memory might fly like
Dandelion over your head
But the damage and destruction
Was like the crushed buterrfly lying dead
It's colours spread across
The wings that barely took flight
Obscured, Barely saw the light
The holes punctured
The scars unmended
Live on underneath
Masked by the smiles and the cheers
Was it real?
Was it true?
For me, it was all the life that I had seen.
Inspired By A Thousand Years -1
This is me
Laying bare for you to see
In A dark tunnel
A light flashes in the end
Shines through till you're blind
And numb in the head
You promised you would see
Even though it wasn't pleasant entirely
All I knew was you wouldn't fret
And now I've shown you what's left
Of this strange world I know
It's nothing like you've ever seen before
The rain vapourizes into the clouds
The storm has now calmed down
You can smell the sweet flowers
And hear the birds sing again
I touch my face
And find tears in my eyes
Searching for that everlasting happiness
This nakedness is new
But you always knew,
There was more than meets the eye
Mine were closed with fear
But now that you're here
The world no longer seems
A stranger to me
It has now become
What the rain can't wash away
The thought,the memory of pain
A long frenzy of my fuzzy brain
Is now just that, a mere memory
A new,stranger tide envelops me
Something u taught me
Flashes by
Wished for it go away
But now it dos'nt matter if it stays
As the stars fall down
We try to catch them
But always a second late
From reaching that perfection
Smile at you reflection
Even if it feels untrue
Because no one else knows that but you
Touch the frame
And even if it ripples,
That is still your face
Kiss your tears
Let your soft hands
Fade away my fears
It seems the tunnel has no end
But it has a light
So go on and run ahead
Even if it's a step closer,
It's still better than where I've been.
Laying bare for you to see
In A dark tunnel
A light flashes in the end
Shines through till you're blind
And numb in the head
You promised you would see
Even though it wasn't pleasant entirely
All I knew was you wouldn't fret
And now I've shown you what's left
Of this strange world I know
It's nothing like you've ever seen before
The rain vapourizes into the clouds
The storm has now calmed down
You can smell the sweet flowers
And hear the birds sing again
I touch my face
And find tears in my eyes
Searching for that everlasting happiness
This nakedness is new
But you always knew,
There was more than meets the eye
Mine were closed with fear
But now that you're here
The world no longer seems
A stranger to me
It has now become
What the rain can't wash away
The thought,the memory of pain
A long frenzy of my fuzzy brain
Is now just that, a mere memory
A new,stranger tide envelops me
Something u taught me
Flashes by
Wished for it go away
But now it dos'nt matter if it stays
As the stars fall down
We try to catch them
But always a second late
From reaching that perfection
Smile at you reflection
Even if it feels untrue
Because no one else knows that but you
Touch the frame
And even if it ripples,
That is still your face
Kiss your tears
Let your soft hands
Fade away my fears
It seems the tunnel has no end
But it has a light
So go on and run ahead
Even if it's a step closer,
It's still better than where I've been.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
So Yeah, We're Indians
It goes without saying that it was a brilliant victory today. God! How much every single person wishes to be an Indian right now. Through and through, cricket has been our religion no matter what. Babies are born chanting Tendulkar's name, money poured into the temples to pray for India's win, Latha Mangeshkar fasts for two days and all the blue boys' life size photos are worshiped with garlands.
There is not a single soul that has gone unaffected by this "fever" as they call it. Bleeding blue, cheering team India, declaring holidays, shutting down offices and schools, postponing tests..there is nothing that this nation has not done to support their favourite boys.
But of course, we are Indians and we are known for our fickle minds. Siddhu, the obnoxiously expressive former cricketer, showed his disappointment with the changes that Dhoni made during the last two matches, without any hesitation. He was upset and angered even by the decision to bring Nehra instead of Ashwin on Wednesday, and Sreeshanth instead of Nehra today. However, he was the first to praise and applaud this decision once it turned out to be in favour of his home team. "Every Indian must stand up and sing 'Sare Jaha Se Acha' " he said, when India lifted that trophy after twenty-eight years. He even gave the team a standing ovation and finally poor Bhogle had to silence him and calm him down.
Every Indian is similar to Siddhu in this manner. We are proud when our team wins and almost disgusted when they lose. Though not a great fan of cricket, I can safely say that the past few years and especially the last world cup, have been tough for our team. They underwent many controversies, losses and of course a lack of discipline as displayed by Harbhajan and Sreeshanth.
There was a time when people almost despised the Indian team. Much was said and written about how as a race we are rude and uncouth. There were many loyal fans who stuck to supporting their favourite team in spite of its rough times, but most of us, including myself, took the easy way and blamed the team for being "out of form" and "insensible".
People no longer had patience for a fifty-over match and hence introduced the twenty-twenty trend. The IPL, ICC Championships and the endless tri-series resulted in an overdose of cricket for everyone, including the ones who breathe and live the game.
This tournament, surprisingly, got everyone's spirits high. People who never watched a cricket match in their lives began keeping regular scores and even the match sats! Cheering and clapping resonated from every household and not to mention, the firecrackers on each street. And the fact that I know and remember so many facts about the game, just proves that cricket in India has an unconscious effect on us.
Many people often debate that India is not a nation because there is nothing that unites us- not language, not history and not religion or ethnicity. But today, and for the years to come, the one thing that unites us all and makes us proud to say we are Indian, is cricket. There is no bigger phenomenon in this nation that has an impact of such intensity. When we are good, we are beyond control. Nothing stops us from wearing our proud patriotic faces and saying - Yeah, I am an Indian.
There is not a single soul that has gone unaffected by this "fever" as they call it. Bleeding blue, cheering team India, declaring holidays, shutting down offices and schools, postponing tests..there is nothing that this nation has not done to support their favourite boys.
But of course, we are Indians and we are known for our fickle minds. Siddhu, the obnoxiously expressive former cricketer, showed his disappointment with the changes that Dhoni made during the last two matches, without any hesitation. He was upset and angered even by the decision to bring Nehra instead of Ashwin on Wednesday, and Sreeshanth instead of Nehra today. However, he was the first to praise and applaud this decision once it turned out to be in favour of his home team. "Every Indian must stand up and sing 'Sare Jaha Se Acha' " he said, when India lifted that trophy after twenty-eight years. He even gave the team a standing ovation and finally poor Bhogle had to silence him and calm him down.
Every Indian is similar to Siddhu in this manner. We are proud when our team wins and almost disgusted when they lose. Though not a great fan of cricket, I can safely say that the past few years and especially the last world cup, have been tough for our team. They underwent many controversies, losses and of course a lack of discipline as displayed by Harbhajan and Sreeshanth.
There was a time when people almost despised the Indian team. Much was said and written about how as a race we are rude and uncouth. There were many loyal fans who stuck to supporting their favourite team in spite of its rough times, but most of us, including myself, took the easy way and blamed the team for being "out of form" and "insensible".
People no longer had patience for a fifty-over match and hence introduced the twenty-twenty trend. The IPL, ICC Championships and the endless tri-series resulted in an overdose of cricket for everyone, including the ones who breathe and live the game.
This tournament, surprisingly, got everyone's spirits high. People who never watched a cricket match in their lives began keeping regular scores and even the match sats! Cheering and clapping resonated from every household and not to mention, the firecrackers on each street. And the fact that I know and remember so many facts about the game, just proves that cricket in India has an unconscious effect on us.
Many people often debate that India is not a nation because there is nothing that unites us- not language, not history and not religion or ethnicity. But today, and for the years to come, the one thing that unites us all and makes us proud to say we are Indian, is cricket. There is no bigger phenomenon in this nation that has an impact of such intensity. When we are good, we are beyond control. Nothing stops us from wearing our proud patriotic faces and saying - Yeah, I am an Indian.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Slip Away
Hushed voices, silent nods and the endless tears...people struggling to fight the awkwardness by finding an appropriate way to acknowledge one and other without seeming too enthusiastic. Vivid descriptions, different versions, no minute detail goes unnoticed about what the person did for the past twenty hours before she decided to lay still.
Tiny groups, restless people. Walking in and out of the house people shift around listening to conversations, contributing to it or politely moving away from it if they heard it too many times.
People run through the relationships and memories they had with her. Remember all the things they had previously forgotten or had taken for granted. They need to tell the world about what they had with her was special because they need to hear it. Reconstruct the moments they spent, conversations they had and most importantly, the happiness they shared.
But all those memories, recollections, joyous moments are now reduced to the tear drops that flow over that one tiny shriveled soul that lays still in front of us. Blank stares in each one's face as we all gather around..the same thoughts in all our minds as Life reminds us that she is always dancing on the edge of a cliff and that Death can push her any minute.
More voices, more tears run into what seems like one endless night. Everyone sits waiting but for what no one knows and yet we wait..because death unites us all.
Tiny groups, restless people. Walking in and out of the house people shift around listening to conversations, contributing to it or politely moving away from it if they heard it too many times.
People run through the relationships and memories they had with her. Remember all the things they had previously forgotten or had taken for granted. They need to tell the world about what they had with her was special because they need to hear it. Reconstruct the moments they spent, conversations they had and most importantly, the happiness they shared.
But all those memories, recollections, joyous moments are now reduced to the tear drops that flow over that one tiny shriveled soul that lays still in front of us. Blank stares in each one's face as we all gather around..the same thoughts in all our minds as Life reminds us that she is always dancing on the edge of a cliff and that Death can push her any minute.
More voices, more tears run into what seems like one endless night. Everyone sits waiting but for what no one knows and yet we wait..because death unites us all.
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